Made with iPhone's d-bagifier application.

When I arrived at McCray’s OTP location in Smyrna, I plopped down at the bar next to this girl who looked suspiciously like Reese Witherspoon (only with darker hair).  Cute girl.  I smiled and said, “Hi.”  She looked back at me and said flatly, “douchebag.”  Huh?  Most people don’t call me that until they get to know me better.  ”Why’d you call me a douchbag, bitch?”  ”Because all men are douchebags and I just wanted to get it out of the way.”  That was the start of a beautiful evening.

Between shots from Alli at the bar and zingers back and forth between Reese, uh, Brooke (that’s her actual name, but we dubbed her “Babbling Brook” because the girl sure could talk) we had a great time. Although one of the other bartenders (a cute girl named Jessica) was determined to see if she could make me pass out and/or hurl by bringing me shots of the oddest concoctions ever.  If you’re ever there and she asks you to try something called “Wild Yellow Tailed Monkey Jungle Sex,” pass.

Is there actually a point to this blog?

Ahhh, yes.  When my head did eventually clear (which took weeks), I got to thinking about Re-Brook’s “douchebag” comment.  Well, I’ve never considered myself a douchbag.  A$%hole, probably.  Mut&^%%$cker, maybe.  But certainly not douchebag.  Can’t afford the bling.  To me, a DB is one of those guys who walks around in a wifebeater with the ballcap cocked slightly to the side (even though he’s a bit too old to work the look) and never thinks before speaking.  Huh.  That sounds kinda like my buddy, Kris.  I really like that guy.  Does that make me guilty of douchebaggery or aiding a abetting a douche?

Again, I digress.

So how, exactly, does one avoid being a douchebag?

1. Keep your ego in check.  Even if your shit actually doesn’t stink, pretend it does.  Modesty, believe it or not, is quite an attractive quality on a guy.
2. Don’t be an attention whore.  People who seem to always seek the limelight are, quite often, the biggest douchebags.  Spencer Pratt is a fine example of this.  The greatest men are those you almost never hear anything about.
3. Go easy on the grooming products.  Of course, we want you to buy our quality grooming products, but if you’ve got more product in your hair than your girlfriend, you look like a douchebag.  Trust us.
4. Ease off on the cologne.  A spritz or two will do.  If you’ve been jogging through the park for an hour on a nintety degree day and you still smell like AXE Body Spray, you’re guilty of douchbaggery.  Sorry, Kris.  Again.
5. Go light on the bling.  If the faux diamond studs you wear in your ears are bigger than those on the girl sitting next to you at the bar, your a douche.  Sorry, Jamie.
6. Pull up your damn pants!  If your pants reveal more than even the slightest bit of your drawers, you are most defintaly a DB.  I just don’t quite understand those guys who wear their pants below their ass cheeks (while holding them up with one hand).  That can’t be comfortable and always makes you look like a clown.
7. Check your hat.  Bend the bill of the hat a bit — if it’s too flat and cocked at a 45 degree angle, you’re a douche.  If you ever wear a visor, you’re a douche.  Steve Spurrier wears a visor.  ’Nuff said.
8. Watch your wheels.  If your car costs more than your house… yup.  You know what you are.
9. Put your collar down.  One of the signature DB fashion statements is the Polo shirt with the popped collar.  Put that collar up, especially if you’re wearing multiple Polos at once, and it’s a sure sign that you could be a douche.
10. Don’t treat women like dirt.  Most douchebags believe that women are on this earth only for the entertainment of men.  Be a gentleman and treat your woman with respect.

Are you guilty of any of the signature douchebag moves above?  Stop it.  You’re making a fool of yourself!  Now, go get a haircut.

“I had gone before to American Haircuts and was impressed by the quality. I decided I would make it my hair salon of choice. When I returned today I was welcomed and waited my turn. When the barber called my name “Marco”. Somebody shouted “Polo”. There was some laughter even among the staff.

This is completely unacceptable: I do not appreciate being insulted when I purchase a service. I visited hair salons in most countries in Europe, and some in Asia and Northern America. This was the first time I needed to leave before my haircut because I felt humiliated. Needless to say I will never come back again, no matter what you say and I will warn all my acquaintances.”

First, we’re not a salon.  Second, grow a pair and lighten up, dammit.  Had you stuck around, you might have left with one of the best haircuts you’ve ever had and maybe even had a few laughs, too.   Go back to those European Salons, get laid, and then come back and see us when you’re feeling a bit more manly.  You’ll be glad you did.

This is not Chris and his girlfriend ain't that cute.

So I’ve got this client — we’ll just call him Chris (actually, that’s his name). Chris had the same floppy haircut since he was a kid. Of course you know, I’ve got no problem with longer hair on guys, but his cut just looked like someone took an 8 year old boy’s hair and stuck it on his head. On a recent visit, I finally talked him into letting me cut it off.

Now, he’s getting laid.

Sometimes, all it takes to get noticed is to change things up a bit. In this economy, a new haircut is certainly cheaper than new clothes or plastic surgery. Ever notice how women are constantly changing their hairstyle? Why? To get guys to notice them. Want to get noticed? Changing your boring assed old haircut is a good start — and what better time than the new year.

Need some style advice? Talk to your barber or stylist. If you’re looking for some great ideas, the guys who do this blog have created some incredible online resources for you. Take a look in the style galleries on the following websites:

HaircutsForMen.org
mmgrooming.com
menshair.about.com

Now, go get a haircut… and while you’re at it, buy some great styling product from mmgrooming.com. We got to pay the rent around here somehow!  - Dave

We’re extremely proud of the new shop, which is about 800 square feet larger than Roswell. We’ve also added an internet bar, a wider selection of complimentary beverages, and flat panel televisions which can be watched while waiting or while getting your haircut. We’re also pleased to announce we’ve assembled the best haircutting team in the city of Atlanta!

Click HERE to take a look around!

Here’s a gruesome bit of trivia… do you know what the stripes on the barber pole represent?  Years ago when barbers were “barber-surgeons,” we used to do a little bloodletting now and then.  The stripes represent bandages; red for the blood-stained and white for the clean bandages.  These were hung to dry after washing.  The bandages would often twist in the wind to form a spiral pattern.  These bandages, hanging outside a barber’s shop, became a symbol of the barbering profession.  The bandages were later replaced by the red, white, and blue striped poles we use today.  The bowl at the bottom of the pole was used to receive the blood during bloodletting. 

Our new barber pole, the Marvy 88 is made by the William Marvy Company (now the sole manufacturer of barber poles in North America), a company which has been making barber poles since New Year’s Day in 1950.  When ordering the pole, Dave spoke with Scott Marvy personally to make sure we had exactly the pole we needed.  It’s a great thing the business is still in the family — let’s hope the Marvy tradition continues.

One tradition we’re glad didn’t continue is the whole bloodletting thing — unless, of course, you end up in Cory’s chair in Roswell.

• Fastest Haircut - 55 Seconds
• Most Haircuts in One Hour - 34
• Most Haircuts in 24 Hours - 340

This guy is the Michael Phelps of barbering. For photos and a complete recap of the event, check out my full article on About.com.

Johnny and I are bored so we settle in with Avery and company to check this out. I see nothing but trim young men and women going through the tasks at hand. Suddenly it becomes apparent the winners will ultimately face the real Gladiators for a final showdown. They bring out the Gladiators. I turn to Avery and ask, “Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?” Blank stare. Damn, this guy is young. I digress… These gladiators are huge hunks of men with chiseled bodies and Farah Faucet hair (just like in the 80’s). They go through the stats… 6’7” / 235 pounds… this is where I had the epiphany.

These guys weigh the same as me, but they’ve got me a foot in height. I have been fighting the weight loss battle for years — focusing on loosing weight by eating right, exercising, etc.. You know the drill.

I’ve finally found the solution! I don’t need to loose weight I just need to be 14 inches taller.

The more I talk with Dr. Walker the more I realize I have found the ultimate answer to weight loss. This is my Cabbage Patch Doll!

I throw some cash on the bar and leave Johnny Walker like a cheap hooker and dash home to do my research. I’ve decided I’ll team up with the Cortislim folks and market Cortislim Tall! I’m sure those Cortislim folks got rich from selling a quality product that, when used as directed, works wonders.

I Google “how to get taller.” Wow! Millions of hits. Number one is 4 inches taller in one heartbeat. Click. It’s shoes. Damn. Won’t work. I need my belly to get smaller not further off the floor. I need something that will stretch this mutherf’er out! I’ve checked out a thousand websites by now and nothing but snake oil. 

We can make a phone that holds 25,000 songs, a GPS, a camera, and high speed internet in a device the size of a deck of cards and we can make jelly beans that taste like buttered popcorn and not one person has ever invented a pill to make you taller.

This is, to say the least, very disappointing.

I guess it’s back to the 1,500 calorie diet and Men’s Science Thermogenic Formula tomorrow. I should have stayed for a bit more therapy. See you tomorrow night, Dr. Walker.

What the hell are you so nervous about,” I asked. “Well, uh, it’s just that I’ve never had a haircut at one of these budget places,” he responded. Budget places? At $20 for haircut, I’ve never had our shop compared to a budget place. “I’m used to paying $50 for a haircut,” Steve told me. I combed through the haircut — which was not very well blended, shaped or finished — and responded, “For this?”

Steve, like so many other guys who are a bit pompous — sorry, Steve — often believe that price equals quality. Choosing a barber can be lot like shopping for wine. I’ve had some great $19 bottles of wine and some really shitty $100 wines. It all depends on the quality of the grape and the skill of the vintner. A good haircut depends entirely on the skill of the barber, regardless of price.

Recently, I had the chance to sample a new “upscale” shop which opened in Atlanta. Interesting place — very dark and sterile. The cutting floor was so damned dark I didn’t feel comfortable with them using sharp objects around my head, so instead of the $60 haircut, I opted for the $35 Executive Manicure. When the manicurist was finished, my nails looked like I’d chewed them off myself.  The Korean lady down the block does a much better job for just $14. Yeah, so I sometimes get a manicure — doesn’t make me less of a man. My buddy Alan irons his sheets. Now that’s girly!

Of course, there are some exceptionally good $50 a cut barbers out there — just as there are some outstanding barbers who charge around 20 bucks. There are also some butchers on both sides of the price range. So, how do you find a good barber that fits your budget? Well, of course, you can come to an American Haircuts® store. If you don’t live near us, just find a guy with a similar haircut and ask him where he gets cut. Look for shops that are clean, modern and well staffed. Shops which offer appointments are more likely to be the types of places that will spend an adequate amount of time to make sure the job is done right.

Stay away from any place with Super, Great, Fantastic or Clips in the name. Also avoid any place which spells cut with a “k.” That’s just my opinion, but it’s served me well.

Of course, if you visit our store, we pledge to always hire skilled haircutters who will give you a great haircut and make sure you have a good time for a fair price.

Dave Alexander is a partner in Metro Men’s Grooming and American Haircuts as well as the Men’s Hair Guide for About.com.

Pure lavender oil, in addition to having a very earthy rich masculine smell, has all kinds of benefits.

Lavender has great mood enhancing properties and can be used to releive symptoms of the following conditions:

• Restlessness
• Insomnia
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Headaches

Can’t sleep because you’re stressed after you called your boss and asshole and told your girlfriend she looked fat? Wife nagging you ’till your head’s splitting? Depressed because you’ve just burned a $30 filet on the grill? Light a lavender candle and crack open a Bud. That’s the ticket.

As one of the only essentials oils which can be applied directly to the skin undiluted, lavender has great natural antiseptic and anti-inflammatory properties. It can by helpful in treating the following skin conditions:

• Burns
• Wounds
• Eczema
• Acne
• Insect Bites
• Fungal Infections

WikiPedia lists tons of other uses as well. Pack a little lavender oil in that camping bag and keep some in the medicine chest. 
It’s no wonder so many companies, including ours, use lavender oil as a beneficial component of their products. Take a look at a few of the products on mmgrooming.com that contain lavender as an essential ingredient:

• Paul Mitchell Tea Tree Lavender Mint Shampoo
• Paul Mitchell Tea Tree Lavender Mint Conditioner
• Metro Men’s Grooming Pre Shave Oil
• Metro Men’s Grooming Ultimate Shave Cream
• Metro Men’s Grooming Post Shave Repair
• The Gentlemens Refinery Standard Shave Cream
• Jack Black Electric Shave Enhancer
• Destination Nation Badlands Hand Balm
• And more…

So man up and let this pretty little flower get down to business for you. In addition to the benefits to the skin and the mood enhancing properties, you’ll also gain some big chick points, too.

Of course… here comes the legal crap… these statements have not been evaluated by the FDA and these products are not intended to treat, diagnose, cure, or prevent any disease. Blah blah blah…. Our lawyers made us put that in there. Not the. “Blah blah blah.” Just the part about the FDA.